The Thought of You – My Journey to Motherhood

by Charise Rohm Nulsen

Welcome to the IF We Believe! Blog Carnival!
In honor of National Infertility Awareness Week!

This post was written for inclusion in the monthly IF We Believe! Blog Carnival
hosted by Arpita of Up, Down & Natural.
Scroll to the bottom of this post for a list of other wonderfully brave mama’s
who

participate in this Carnival, and share their stories of infertility!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The thought of you -
Whether it was rose colored glasses or the scathing blinders of youth, I once felt entitled to your birth and life. I believed you would appear when I was ready for you.

The thought of you -
Alternating between inflamed thoughts of envy and crushing sadness, I lingered in the plush confines of limbo as I waited for my life to ready itself for your possibility.

The thought of you -
The bloom of excitement and unbridled anticipation rushed through me as we were finally ready for you.

The thought of you -
Obsession over lacking scarlet lines on tiny strips of paper. I gave ridiculous power to those flimsy pregnancy tests as I begged them to show dual rosy blooms.

The thought of you –
The hot blaze of loss simmers in our souls as we mourn, attempting to ignore the tease of what we believed was your impending arrival.

The thought of you –
The pale embers of recovery fight to keep you close, possible.

The thought of you -
The flush of cautious excitement as we bear witness to the seemingly elusive double crimson lines.

The thought of you –
Your heart beats strong and true within me. You are near and thriving and so, so real.

The thought of you –
Stunning beauty and rush of love! You are with us.

The thought of you -
and the feel of you, and my hopes for you, and my adoration for you -
burn bright, coloring my life with miracle.

This post was inspired by The Red Dress Club’s writing prompt borrowed from Natalie Goldberg: “Give me a memory of the color red. Do not write the word ‘red’ but use words that engender the color red when you hear them. For example: a ruby, a tomato, fire, blood.”

 

Visit Up, Down & Natural to find out how you can participate in the next IF We Believe! Blog Carnival.  Please take time to read the submissions by the wonderful carnival participants who so bravely write about their paths to motherhood, or how infertility has touched them.

You said WHAT?!

            Arpita @ Up, Down & Natural lists the 10 things you should NEVER say to someone Trying to Conceive – AND what to say if someone says one of these hurtful, inconsiderate and downright rude things to you! 

The Thought of You – My Journey to Motherhood

            Charise @ I Thought I Knew Mama shares her journey to motherhood from her very first thoughts of baby through his arrival.   

Like Gets Like

            Arpita @ Up, Down & Natural writes about ancient traditions of different cultures which support the theory that spending time with new borns may increase your own fertility.  Hormones are a funny thing! 

After Rock Bottom

            Kat @ Loving {Almost} Every Moment ~ When you hit rock bottom, you sometimes find the peace and strength you’ve been lacking…

EAV Acupncture and Moxa for Fertility

            Arpita @ Up, Down & Natural writes of and reviews treatments you can add to your acupuncture for fertility to enhance the effectiveness and overall sensations. 

A Skeptic’s Guide to Acupuncture

            Dionna (aka Code Name: Mama) guest posting at Natural Parents Network ~ Curious about acupuncture for fertility, but skeptical of the practice? Read some simple tips from a fellow skeptic – Dionna (of Code Name: Mama) guest posts at Natural Parents Network.

Easter & The Elusive Egg

            Arpita @ Up, Down & Natural shares the story of the origin of Easter!  Fertility is the reason for the season! 

Me and My Infertility

            Team Baby CEO @ Go Team Baby!  Describes how infertility challenges you, but strengthens you by requiring at all times that you be the advocate for making your dreams happen, one treatment at a time.

My Inner Granola

            Granola Girl @ My Inner Granola writes of her journey to natural conception and healthy living.

National Infertility Awareness Week: A Guest Post – Maria’s Journey

            Charise of I Thought I Knew Mama hosts a guest post ~ Maria of Life, Loss, and Other Things Worth Mentioning shares a beautiful post detailing her heartbreaking journey through infertility on I Thought I Knew Mama’s blog.

Be sure to read all the wonderful Guest Posts on Up, Down & Natural on April 30th of the stories of families who have been touched by infertility.

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{ 28 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Austin Girl April 18, 2011 at 1:20 pm

This is so sweet and lovely!!

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2 Charise @ I Thought I Knew Mama April 19, 2011 at 1:24 pm

Thank you so much!

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3 Ashley April 18, 2011 at 6:19 pm

Very sweet and personal. Simple but filled with so much emotion and importance. Love it!
Ashley recently posted..From Boeuf to BabyMy Profile

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4 Charise @ I Thought I Knew Mama April 19, 2011 at 1:24 pm

Thank you, Ashley!

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5 Yuliya April 18, 2011 at 6:39 pm

Oh wow, what a wonderful take on the prompt. So happy for you and your miracle.
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6 Charise @ I Thought I Knew Mama April 19, 2011 at 1:25 pm

Thanks, Yuliya! This was a very interesting prompt to try to stick to.

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7 Frelle April 18, 2011 at 8:01 pm

beautifully done. thank you for writing about this!
Frelle recently posted..harmony restoredMy Profile

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8 Charise @ I Thought I Knew Mama April 19, 2011 at 1:26 pm

Thanks, Frelle!

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9 Kim April 19, 2011 at 7:44 am

Lovely! You made me think about my own similar experiences.
Kim recently posted..The Fress PomegranateMy Profile

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10 Charise @ I Thought I Knew Mama April 19, 2011 at 1:26 pm

Thanks, Kim!

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11 Miranda April 19, 2011 at 8:20 am

What a great little glimpse into your life. While I’m sorry for your loss, I’m exceedingly happy for your joy.
Miranda recently posted..And the winner is…My Profile

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12 Charise @ I Thought I Knew Mama April 19, 2011 at 1:27 pm

Thank you, Miranda. As awful as the loss was, the joy does exceed it!

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13 le chef April 19, 2011 at 2:38 pm

Very vivid and touching. I’m glad it worked out for you. :)
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14 Charise @ I Thought I Knew Mama April 20, 2011 at 10:12 am

Thank you! I’m beyond glad too :-)

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15 Mama Track April 19, 2011 at 8:41 pm

This is very moving. I have my own story of loss, and of gain, so this one really resonates with me.

I loved the poetry and rhythm of this one.

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16 Charise @ I Thought I Knew Mama April 20, 2011 at 10:11 am

Thank you so much. I’m very glad to hear your loss has been followed by gain also!

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17 Geri April 19, 2011 at 9:03 pm

Absolutely awesome! The rise of expectation and hope, the fall of loss, and the slower, more cautious rise of hope, crowned by the glory of hope realized. I really enjoy reading the more minimalistic approach – probably because it doesn’t fill in too much detail, which lets me fill those spaces with my own feelings and go along on the ride.
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18 Charise @ I Thought I Knew Mama April 20, 2011 at 10:11 am

Thank you, Geri! I enjoy reading and writing with a minimalistic approach too. I like how you said it lets you fill in those spaces with your own feelings… I’ve never thought about why appreciate the minimalistic approach before, but your response pretty much sums it up. :-)

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19 Erin April 19, 2011 at 11:31 pm

This is absolutely beautiful! I felt all those feelings and then some! After many losses I finally have my two miracles as well!
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20 Charise @ I Thought I Knew Mama April 20, 2011 at 10:09 am

Thank you for sharing, Erin! We’re so lucky to have our miracles!

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21 Kristl Story April 20, 2011 at 9:57 pm

You’re an amazing writer!
Kristl Story recently posted..Baby’s First “Chocolate Bunny” – An Easter Craft made with Fabric!My Profile

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22 Laura April 20, 2011 at 10:38 pm

Beautifully written, thanks for sharing this. Stumbled ;-)
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23 Alison@Mama Wants This April 22, 2011 at 9:08 am

Great approach to the prompt and beautifully written. I could feel the emotions in those words! Stumbled over from BlogFrog Stumbling group :-)
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24 Brenna @ Almost All The Truth April 25, 2011 at 1:21 am

Beautifully written.
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25 Charise @ I Thought I Knew Mama April 25, 2011 at 8:47 pm

Thank you, Brenna.

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26 Sarah April 27, 2011 at 8:40 am

All your posts are so beautiful. I feel like I am reading art when I come to your site. You have a gift, thank you for sharing it.
Sarah recently posted..Mommy Burnout- Taking Care of YourselfMy Profile

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27 Charise @ I Thought I Knew Mama April 27, 2011 at 4:57 pm

Sarah, that is one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me! Thank you so much for making my day!

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28 Kat April 28, 2011 at 8:50 pm

Just beautiful. Thanks so much for sharing your story with such emotion and beauty.

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